With His Grace

There are times in our lives when we truly need to reflect on who we are as a person and to evaluate where we want the remainder of our life to go.  We do this with others in mind because we are connected so deeply to them. As fall is surely here, even if the heat in Alabama does not seem to be letting up, we are at that point in our season to reflect on the past half of the year. As I sit back and look at what has happened over the first part of this year, I am astonished to see just how much I have had to deal with. I am not bragging or being prideful but I have dealt with a lot and I have come through it with grace and understanding.

I think the grace comes from my father, he taught me how to be resilient in the face of adversity. He showed me how to be strong when facing the devil and all his demons. I have faced a multitude of demons so far this year, the number one being my health and having no concrete answers about what is happening to me. That is one demon and situation I would never wish on anyone no matter how much I dislike them, and I have been known to wish terrible things on others because after all I am human. I am just keeping it real for you; I am not going to hide who I am for anyone’s sake but especially mine.

For one entire month I spent every weekend in the ER and I have been admitted three times for several day stays at the hospital so far this year. I honestly thought that 2017 was going to be the worst of it after losing dad, but I have to tell you that this year is topping last and not in a good way! I still have no solid answers to what is going on inside of my body; all I do know is that it is attacking itself on a multiple front battle. This battle is raging on day after day with no end in sight, it is my own personal Vietnam. My body is living in hell each minute of each day and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I say all this to say, I know many people who are facing this type of uphill battle and they have given up. They are just lying down and taking it. Resigning themselves to this life and hoping that it will end quicker rather than later for them.

I refuse to be that type of person. I refuse to give up the fight because I know that there is more to this than what meets the eye. I know that there is the answer out there somewhere just waiting to be found. I realize that the battle is long, but the war is not over just yet, I will continue this fight until the bitter end. See my father taught me that, he taught me to fight up until the very end of it all. He fought up until he had no more fight left in him, then he was able to find his peace in the arms of the Lord. He was such an example of what a true fighting spirit was and how it was meant to be. He would have laid down his life for those of us he loved, he would have fought our battles for us if he could have, and he would have done it all with grace, dignity, and his quiet strength. As he loved me, so I am going to love myself and I am going to keep fighting this in his name. I am going to let his grace guide me and direct me in the way I need to go. For because of him, I know now how to fight all this cruelty with grace and strength and I am going to seek out answers and find a way to help others who are struggling. I hope that my words, my searching, my finding answers will one day help others and that we can all be lifted up. Because of him I can face my tomorrow and my future with all the grace he demonstrated while he was here on earth. So it’s off to find answers, inspire others, and show grace when it is most needed.