Love Language

This time of year is a great example of the Five Love Languages being played out. Now if you aren’t familiar with what the 5 love languages are, then go check out Gary Chapman and his teachings on the subject. So now that we are all caught up on what exactly the love languages are, lets focus one love language in particular. The love language I want to delve into is the language of receiving gifts. This is the language that often causes a lot of misunderstandings between people.

            I am a perfect example of this because my love language is receiving gifts and it leans very heavy in that direction no matter how many tests I take. The issue is when you read that as a love language, I know what other word pops into your mind and that is materialistic. That is the one word that can cause people to literally fall apart if they are mentioned in relation to the very thought that they might put something over someone. By placing something over someone, I am talking about a person who prefers material goods such as designer clothing to people. See materialism is often referred to as overly concerned with tangible, material things, and not at all concerned with intellectual or spiritual things and issues. A lot of time people think that materialism means that a person is much more concerned with money than anything else.             

            This time of year you can turn on any news station and hear about the world is showing off how materialistic it has become. You can see advertisements all over the place enticing you to buy the latest and greatest. You’ll hear about how this celebrity is hosting a lavish million-dollar party to ring in the New Year. I am sure in your mind, you are like “Yes that is so ridiculous that you have all this money and spend it only on yourself.” Those are so selfish and materialistic are the other thoughts you are having about all this information that inundates you daily. From the outside looking in, we are all Sherlock Holmes as he has just solved another mystery. We are just sure we understand exactly who these people were, they are the worst, they are so whatever adjective you want to describe them. What would you say if I told that you might just be very wrong?

            How do I know that you are wrong? I know because I am that materialistic person that you talk about so badly. I will be the first to tell you that I don’t want this as my love language; I want something better, something that people aren’t ashamed to be friends with. So I must admit to you that I love to receive gifts, I love material things, and I will not longer be ashamed. I also show my love in this manner, I give gifts to people to let them know that I was thinking of them and I love them. Most of the time people are receptive to my gifting, but there have been a few times that people were not open to it. 

            For years I was ashamed that I associated people giving me things with their love for me. I felt as if people were constantly thinking I was a shallow person who only cared about purses, jewelry, and those types of things. Now don’t get this girl wrong, I love love love those things, but honestly if they all vanished today I would be sad, but I also know they are replaceable. That is the thing about people; they aren’t so easily replaceable are they? That is one reason that I cling to material things that have been given to me by others; not only does it show their love for me, it lets me have a piece of them with me and that is something to truly treasure. 

As we continue through this holiday season, look around you and see if you can identify people’s love languages and attempt to show them that you love them in their specific language. Share your love language with others and that can help guide them in how to love on you. The love languages are just that, a way to love on one another in very tangible, real ways. If your love language were quality time how great would it be if your loved ones just gave you a redeemable coupon for a day just to hang out with you. That is just one example of how someone can show love, there are so many ways out there to express that idea. The love languages just don’t apply to couples it applies to families, friends, even co-workers. Every person has a different language in which they learn, love, and retain information. How great would our world be if we all just loved one another on that level? 

            Being a person whose love language is one that is controversial because of the nature of what it means, let me tell you that I can tell a major difference when someone’s gives me a small gift versus when they simply pay me a complement. Sure the compliment is a very nice gesture and I do appreciate it but man, that little gift just makes my heart sing and it fills me with such love and acceptance. When I give little or big gifts, I hope that people know it is from the heart and I am truly expressing my love and respect for them. I implore you to not say to a person whose language is gifts that they don’t need to do that for you, that you don’t want anything or need anything, or make them feel bad for spending more money on gifts that you did. I promise, all we want is a simply I love you, Thank You, You Rock, any type of nice acknowledgement is appreciated. If you are lucky enough to have us in your life and have us love you and your family, then please just accept our form of love. 

            I realize it is hard to just accept a gift from nowhere, but there are people who just like to give gifts with no strings I promise you. I also promise you that if you have this love language person as a close friend or they are in your family, they are going to go overboard with holidays where gifts are at the center. I speak from personal experience, when someone’s birthday or Christmas rolls around, if I have the money, then I am shopping up a storm to show people that I love them. I also realize that I am going to buy your children tons of presents, probably more than you are but I am doing it out of love and respect for you, your kids, and that fact that you allow me to be apart of your little family. Please don’t take that joy away from me or your kids, it is just how I am showing y’all love and respect. I am also going to buy you things that you have said you wanted or needed and I will go big with whatever it is. If you needed a new coffee maker, I’ll get you the coffee maker, the filters, the coffee, and cups. That is just how I show my love. So don’t think of my “materialism” as such a bad thing, realize it is how I know that I am loved and each piece represents that love to me. Just accept my gifts for what they are, gifts of love and let’s all just vow to try and understand one another on a much deeper level and try to show love and respect to people in ways that relate to. Have a wonderful holiday season and I hope you all get lots of love shown in ways you need and want! Here’s to all my receiving gifts friends, may we know we are loved through all of our presents and the presence of others in our lives.