Good Hearted Woman

            I never would have told you years ago that I was what would be considered a good-hearted woman. I am not disparaging myself when I say that, but that is the truth. I never would have thought I was a person who people would consider someone that was a super good-natured, good-hearted individual. I knew I was loving, kind when I wanted to be, and loyal to a fault, but good hearted never registered on my radar. I am not even sure I could tell you the exact definition of what a good hearted person is supposed to be much less how to become one. Well, that is where God steps in and changes people, especially me. I am not saying all this to brag, please don’t think that at all. I am telling this story to show you that people can change and God works through strange and mysterious ways. 

            I have started listening to old country music again I think in a way to connect with dad on some level and let’s be honest old country is a lot better than today’s pop country when it comes right down to it. As I am rediscovering some of the artists and their music, I keep running across a theme. A good-hearted woman who puts up with these men and their ways. Waylon Jennings sings many a song about his woman who put up with a lot from him and I know from Jessi Colter’s book he is singing about her and she did put up with so much from him. As I listen to the lyrics and hear the love in his voice I am reminded that we have obstacles placed in our way that we must bear. 

            For her it was his cheating ways, for me it’s something called Asperger’s Syndrome. I know you are wondering how these two things could remotely be related but let me explain. See even though my husband isn’t cheating on me in the way that we normally think about that expression he has other loves that sometimes get put before me. I am not defaming Asperger’s or my husband, it is a tricky syndrome that a lot of times I am still trying to figure out. Asperger’s is a developmental disorder, which is highly characterized as not understanding social normality’s and how to interact socially with others. That is not all that it is though as I have learned. Yes that is the true medical definition but what Asperger’s really is, is a disorder where those that have it seem to favor strict routines, hate change of any sort (I mean really hate change), usually have very high, genius level I.Q.’s, have high knowledge bases about very specific subject areas, tend to have a bias towards inanimate objects instead of human beings, and most of the time do not pick up on sarcasm, subtleties of conversations, hints, or emotional inferences. 

            All that being said, these are not bad things and they do not cause issues unless you do not understand them and how to navigate the world in which those with Asperger’s live. It has been a long road with my husband and I in our relationship because of Asperger’s but it is one that I would never trade for anything in the world, it has made me a much better human to the world around me so for that I am so thankful. Starting out in a relationship where neither person knows what Asperger’s is not the best idea, but it is the path that my life took. It is a path that my life has been on ever since but we have both grown to understand just what having Asperger’s means to our relationship and to his life as a whole. 

            At the start of our relationship, there was so much miscommunication between the two of us that I was definitely not a good-hearted girl. I knew without a doubt when we first started to date that this was the man for me. God showed me that very early on in the relationship, it took him a little a longer to see that I was the one for him but that was okay. As the relationship progressed, it was so volatile at times I knew for sure we would never make it. I would talk to dad about what was going on, and I promise I shared way too much with him. In fact he would joke with me that no father should know that much about his daughters relationship, and he was sure that most girls did not confide that in their dads, but I did over and over. He finally said that he was going to pay for us to go counseling because there was no way he could counsel us since he was too close to the situation. 

            So off to counseling we went, that is where we learned all about Asperger’s. It was a shock to both of us, but boy did it make so much sense once we started to dive deeper into what it was. After learning what we could from the counselor, we started to read everything we could get our hands on and I decided to go back to school to study special education. I learned so much from my professors and I spoke with people online who were living with partners with Asperger’s that I began to see just what it would take from him and me to make this work. We decided that we wanted this to work; we knew God had sanctioned this from the start and we were committed to jump head first into this life together. 

            Our life truly began then; our relationship truly blossomed under the guidance of what we were learning. My family embraced Asperger’s whole-heartedly, learning right along with us and championing for us the entire time. Dad was amazing with dealing with my husband, they were so similar in ways and dad was always able to talk to him about his passions, which if you didn’t know are movies and wrestling. His knowledge about those two subjects is astounding! Dad would make fun of wrestling but he secretly watched it so he knew all about it and could let my husband just share his knowledge. Dad loved movies so much as my husband, so they bonded over that and would quiz each other about random obscure facts. 

            My mom was patient and caring with him, and she went out of her way to make her house comfortable for him. She even stopped rearranging the furniture for a time period just so he wouldn’t get upset over the change. Then if she were going to do something different, she would tell him before she did it so that he would know it was coming. Poppa would just talk to him for hours about whatever it was he wanted to talk about even if Poppa didn’t know much about the subject, he would patiently listen to him. My brother, who was his friend from school, was so patient always with him anyways became even more so. He would ask him questions about movies and video games so that they could have a meaningful conversation together. I have to say I am so blessed to have a family that really stepped up and in, embracing all facets of what Asperger’s is. 

            Having a family that loved and accepted him as he was really helped him to come out of his shell and open up. When he started to open up, I saw an entirely new him and our relationship changed. There is no way that we would be where we are today without my family and without God guiding everyone’s path to this moment. As we have ventured on this life together, we have lost friends who simply didn’t understand or didn’t bother to understand Asperger’s and what that meant to our relationship and that is the saddest thing to me, but I know that God had a reason so I am thankful for that. Sure we don’t have what is considered a normal relationship by societies standards because we don’t go out and drink and do all those types of things. We got to the movies each and every weekend, sometimes several times a weekend. We go to the toy stores, big box stores to buy video games, movies, and collectible toys each week and that is okay. These are the things that interest him, things that he is so knowledgeable about it would blow your mind, things that I don’t one thing about but that is okay. I have become a good-hearted woman in that I love him no matter what eccentricities he has, and he loves me for me as well.

            That is the greatest of all things to me is that he loves me for me. He has no expectations about who I am supposed to be, he is the logical to my emotional, he has no qualms about giving into my whims of buying cowboy boots and anything with lots of glitter. He does not care that I have an obsession with cows and I have them all over our house, he doesn’t mind that our house is more girlie than manly, and he doesn’t care what I wear or how I wear it. So after all this time together, he has taught me to be a good hearted woman and to accept people right where they are, to love them wholly with no expectations, to just be in the moment, and to just let go and be my authentic self no matter what society thinks or says. I feel like I am the lucky one in all of this, if it weren’t for Asperger’s I would not have found my way back home to God, I would not have the love for my fellow humans that I do, and I would not be that good hearted woman who loves truly and authentically like I do now.